Missing Them

It’s quiet, so very quiet.
Am I walking in circles?
Wandering around my own house like a stranger?
What did I have to do again?

I find myself in the doorway,
A lonely ache floods that empty spot in my soul.
This colorful room with equally colorful memories,
Colors now gloss over, blurring.

I should go back to what I was doing…
What was I doing again?

Instead, I step in,
Greeted by our old friend, bookcase, filled to the top with favorites.
I slide my hand over a cover, Narnia,
Close my eyes and inhale the printed pages.

Turning, I leap onto the bed,
Snuggling tight with Mickey, Boo and a host of Uglydolls.

Oh the memories…
With Tara and Tori, tears flowing over Little Ann and Old Dan,
Holding our collective breath as Frodo walks into Mordor,
Amanda goodnight-ing the moon, her room.

I squeeze the dolls tight.
They become my little girls.
Where did the time go?
I rest in this place a little longer.

I miss their childhood, I miss their presence.
It’s time for me to grow up;
They did.
It seems I worked myself out of a job.

Although I cannot squeeze them or read to them,
We still talk and dream together,
While the prayers never cease for them.
Mom-ing never stops.

But “Mom” never was my job description.
Daughter is.

So Abba, Daddy, thanks.
You always love me,
Sharing Your stories with me.
We make new stories, play and dream together.sillygirls

My daughters are really your daughters,
New stories to tell, new dreams to dream.

My hand brushes across my eyes.
Slowly I rise…
What did I have to do again?
Oh yeah, laundry.

Olive Oil 100% pure

I love extra virgin olive oil. I could drink it. Because of its health properties, I have been researching the best brands. Surprise! Most of the oils out there aren’t pure at all. No matter what the label says. So how is a Mediterranean girl to know what to purchase? (I’m going somewhere with this so don’t quit reading now.)

Here are just a few tests to find out if it’s really pure: 
4. Put it in the fridge and it should solidify
3. Put it in an oil lamp and it should burn
2. Look for an olive estate seal, or name on the bottle
1. Buy from a local grower, the source

According to tests, 75% of the extra virgin olive oil sold is fake: adulterated, something else besides olive oil is added. Because of this, the benefits of using extra virgin olive oil are lost.

Matthew 5:8 blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

I’m thinking, like that fake EVOO, there have been things added to my life that have nothing to do with Jesus: Religion, knowledge, possessions, and titles (etc. etc. etc). If I cling to Jesus only, I should be able to pass a few tests.

4. In the cold places, when I’m numb and I can’t feel Jesus, I would like to say I am full of faith, still standing on a solid foundation. Let the storms come and I can’t be moved. But, most of the time what really happens is that I melt down, and using olafthose additives, hastily try to put myself back together. I usually end up like that silly snowman on Frozen. Parts in all the wrong directions.

3. When the Light is needed in dark places, I should be able to burn bright. Instead I often flicker out and join the darkness. I end up with that proverbial basket over my head. But His Word is a separating sword, a lamp, if I stay in it, the Truth will set me free to shine again.

2. When the world looks at me, I hope they see Jesus and His seal is upon me as His daughter. But sometimes I feel I’ve been run through the washer so much that the seal has peeled off the bottle. I say I have no evidence, but forget the bottle is embossed with His name. Nothing can separate me from His love. I’ve just been showing off the temporary religious seal instead of the permanently embossed one.

1. Jesus is the only source I get my supply from. He is the author and finisher of my faith. His word is Truth and Holy Spirit is His distributer. Any other voice or influence is suspect, selling the cheap stuff just to fill a bottle. 

So when I look at a bottle of olive oil, I hope to remember I am the ‘good stuff.’

.

 

Oh for the Joy

100 Things. That’s all I had to come up with, 100 goals I want to accomplish before this life is over.
Who knew I had so many? Who knew I had so few? I may never fill in 100.
I admit it’s rather overwhelming to see all 66 goals written down. Which one comes first?

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I dialed Hebrews 12 this morning and verse 2 called me back…
…Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:2 NIV)

The Joy set before Him. His ultimate goal, me fully alive with Him, brought Him great joy. He walked the streets of Egypt, Galilee, Samaria and Jerusalem thinking of me. He healed many, set the captives free and taught the crowds keeping me in mind. He endured betrayal, punishment and the cross believing I was worth it all. And he was rewarded, with a throne and his ultimate prize, my heart. We are one.

So the question I have for myself is, which of those goals brings me great joy? Which one of these listed would I actually give blood for?
Now they are narrowed down from 66 to 10 with only two common themes within them. These goals are some of the milestones along my journey to fulfill my joy…

If you keep my commandments, you shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love. These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full. (John 15:10-11 ASV)

Onomatopoeia

I adore words. Big words, little words, words that sound like rocks…?! nvm

In the cool of the mornings I like to sit on my back deck and hang out with Jesus. Most of the time the sounds of the forest call out to me and share His love.

Intrigued by the sounds this morning, I tried to capture them in words. What was that crazy word that is a word that sounds like what it is?…. Oh yeah, the coolest word ever – onomatopoeia – tada!

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Jumbo juicy raindrop – plop
Charming cherry cardinal – trill
Passive perching squirrel – chirrup
Whispering willow leaves – swish

Just to make sure I got that word right, I looked it up on the fount of all wisdom, the internet. The definition got me stuck in a thought.

Onomatopoeia means more than I expected: making or creating names. I remember reading a couple of stories about people who did just that.

On the other hand, words that sound like real-life sounds are called echomimetic. Those words are imitations or echos of sound.

You know, Christians are stuck in echomimetic mode. Yup, we copy the past, each other, the music, the experiences, the jargon… Face it we are copycats. Not much new going on here, kind of an echo of past glories without the original Glory.

But God is still in onomatopoeia mode. He calls those things that be not as if they are. He makes all things new. He created the world with creative words and gave Adam the commission to create names for all living things. He used creative methods for healing, delivering and teaching. Not once did He copy his previous method.

I want to live an onomatopoeia life. Start each project with fresh creative eyes, as if it had never been done before. Create an atmosphere of hope and love with my words. The only constant i need is Jesus.

Oh, BTW, did you know there is an onomatopoeia dictionary? Really, there is http://www.writtensound.com
Aren’t you glad you read to the end?

Quiet on the Set

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I love adventure movies. I prefer them to chick flicks any day. Who doesn’t like a good adventure? Globe trotting Heroes, creepy villains, epic story lines, mysterious occurrences, mass mayhem and death, clueless bystanders, exciting chase scenes, crazy cinematography, and of course a pot of gold at the end (or the lost ark.)

I believe we love adventure movies because we were created to live our lives as an adventure. Instead we’ve been tricked into living vicariously through Indiana Jones, while safely eating popcorn.

Everything about God and His story screams adventure. But you already know all that. Pick any person in the Bible… Adventure. John Huss, Charlemagne, Joan of Arc, Martin Luther (both of them), Smith Wigglesworth, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera… Adventure.

Lately, I’ve decided to see my life as an adventure. Woah, that totally changed my perspective. It has been awesome just hanging out with Jesus and watching Him work through me and despite me.

But right now I’m not thinking about all those exploits. I’m thinking about the in-betweens. The parts that never make it to the big screen. Waiting for set changes, waiting for make-up and wardrobe, waiting for others to complete their scenes… Waiting, waiting, waiting.

The adventure was moving right along when someone yelled, “Cut! Reset, back to 1.” Again?! We have to do that whole scene over again?! Or worse, waiting for the extras to get it straight before you even walk on the scene. Waiting for the adventure to get rolling again is the hardest part.

So here I sit in my director’s chair, munching on popcorn, missing the thrill of the chase.  Suppose I’ll take this time to go over the script again. I guess the waiting is an adventure in itself.

Quiet on the set, filming resumes in 3, 2, 1… Action!

Bloodwor/k/d

blood

Bloodwork(d)

Yesterday, the doctor needed some bloodwork for me so he sent me off to the very nice technician to draw blood.  She asked me which arm I wanted to get the blood from.  That was polite, but I don’t like making decisions.  Finally, I said, “It doesn’t matter to me, there is blood in both arms.”  She chuckled – so nice that I started her day with a smile.

8 vials of blood later, I was headed home, when I felt the Lord remind me that no matter what scripture I read, it had the blood in it.  Old Testament, New Testament, Gospels, letters, history, poetry, prophetic, it didn’t matter.  The Living Word is full of the story of the Blood sacrifice for my sins.

So the next time, I can’t decide what to study, I’ll just randomly open the Book and ask Him to show me the Blood.  I’ll just let the Living Word do His work.

2 Timothy 3:16 Every Scripture is God-breathed (given by His inspiration) and profitable for instruction, for reproof and conviction of sin, for correction of error and discipline in obedience, [and] for training in righteousness (in holy living, in conformity to God’s will in thought, purpose, and action), 17So that the man of God may be complete and proficient, well fitted and thoroughly equipped for every good work.

Nothing like the smell of compost in the morning

The gardener at the Miksh house in Salem keeps a compost pile. He also grows the most beautiful assortment of vegetables, herbs, fruits and flowers. In fact, that garden is gorgeous.

I love taking the young students to see the gardens. The gardener enthusiastically shares his knowledge with the children. I also love to show the kiddos the compost pile.

Why? Because it’s cool to show them that there is a safe and natural way to fertilize the soil. Plus, kids love poop. In their world it’s a conversation stimulant.

If I were to dig through that pile – and I won’t- I’m guessing I would find the mess of dead things, past dinners, scraps and scattered feline deposits all stacked on top of each other. Garbage, really – but when all the messy past is piled up and sprinkled with Time it becomes the best fertilizer. And those gardens could not hold such beauty and nourishment if it weren’t for the dead and messy scraps of the past.

Fertile, the root word of fertilizer, duh, means to make fruitful. And boy is that garden full of fruit.

So the next time I lament over the ugly, messy, dead things in my past, I’ll think about compost. Without those leftovers, I would not be fruitful person I am today. All of that garbage actually prepped my heart for growth. Yup, it stunk to high heaven when I was wading through it, but Time and Holy Spirit changed the composition to fertilizer. He makes ALL things work together for good. Now the scent of life takes its place.

… God said unto them, BE FRUITFUL, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moves upon the earth. And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat… And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day. (Genesis 1:27-31 KJV)

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Greater things

Greater things

I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, if anyone steadfastly believes in Me, she will herself be able to do the things that I do; and she (that means me) will do even greater things than these, because I go to the Father. And I will do whatever you (that still means me) ask in My Name, so that the Father may be glorified and extolled through the Son. (John 14:12, 13 AMP)

That’s what I long for, I believe Jesus.
I want to run this race.
I want to run this race with Jesus alone.
No one on earth can run it for me, run it with me or give advice on how to run it.
Jesus is my cadence.
Others must run their own race…

So what is holding me back?
Because I haven’t seen the greater things yet? Because I haven’t seen “leaders” do greater things? If they aren’t who am I to run on ahead.

But I hear this cadence…

I need to run.

Why do I want this? Because I believe Jesus is alive powerful and compassionate. I hate that the world equates Christianity with powerlessness and submission to mythological king. He IS alive and it’s time I live what I truly believe, and I run with Him in love and power. It’s time to make him famous again. No more waiting for “ready, set, go.”

Just go. Go now. He calls cadence and I want to make God’s name great and cause His glory to cover the earth.

What If…

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What if heart-pounding, breathless, tension life meant something?

What if tragic funeral lines, week after week sorrows, tears steaming meant something?

What if bleary-eyed, exhaustion, numb laying on the couch (I had no idea the ceiling had so many cracks) meant something?

A message in a bottle, screwed down tight, sealed with lead…

What…does…it…mean?

Through the glassy haze, in focus, no- out of focus, blurry I make out letters, words maybe, but cannot comprehend. I wrestle with the top, violently shake the bottle, yet it will not reveal its secrets.

Who is worthy to open this bottle and release this message!?

What if I am discovering myself and learning to get over myself?

Holy Spirit gently comes, place His hand over mine and pops the top off, no effort required. It flutters into my hand… RESTLESS.

…The culmination of “what ifs,”. I am restless because I was made for more. More relationship with my savior, more fulfillment of dreams, more power, more purpose… More, more, more than I can do by myself.

Therefore, work out your own salvation with reverence and awe and trembling (self-distrust, with serious caution, tenderness of conscience, watchfulness against temptation, timidly shrinking from whatever might offend God and discredit the name of Christ).
Not in your own strength, for it is God Who is all the while effectually at work in you [energizing and creating in you the power and desire], both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight. (Philippians 2:12, 13 AMP)

There is a map on the back of the message, the X is floating… I think I’m going on an adventure… Stay tuned…

Good Morning, Be Present

I take my seat.
Like cool, comforting hands, air rests gently on my shoulders.
Cheery chickadee excitedly chirps nearby.
Flame red cardinal spectator, still and silent.
Perching Robin rests in expectation.

As the tuning before curtain rise, A bird cacophony becomes symphony.
Backlight bleeds through to accent verdant leaves.
Wafts of fresh bouquet presented.
He makes beautiful things out of dust.

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