There are days, as a 1st grade teacher, that I come home and wax poetic.
Today was one of them. You’re welcome.

“The Law of Thine Pencils”

And then I spake, saying, ”First thing in the morning shalt thou take out thine Holy Pencils. Thou shalt countest three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out.

Once the number three, being the third pencil, be reached, then thou shalt sharpen them straight away and place thine arse on thy chair.

Should thine first pencil snap, thou shalt remain seated, with thy mouth closed and use thine second holy pencil.

Should thine second pencil be eschewed, thou shalt remain seated, with thy mouth closed and use thine third holy pencil.

Should thine third pencil scratch, thou shalt remain seated, with thy mouth closed and lift thy hand on high with thy lips tightly shut.

If I see thine hand lifted on high and I call upon thy name thou shalt then open thy mouth and beseech me in order to use the sanctified sharpener for one pencil. With mine ‘yea, thou mayest’, Thee and thee alone will stand and go hence.

None other of the 1st congregation may lift their buttocks from their chairs nor make a noise nor start the collection of pencils for sharpening.

Such a noise shall be heard in all the land shouldest thou stand without my ‘yea.’ Lest I pelt Mine Holy Hand Grenade of Primary School towards thee, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.’

Inspired by my 1st Graders and Monty Python.

Written by Me. 2023.