I quit trusting God a long time ago.

I didn’t do it intentionally, but distrust seemed to come in swiftly and pull me further and further under like quicksand.

I’d have these “end of my rope moments” where I would explode to God, telling him that if he didn’t come through or at least talk to me a little, I swore I was done. I’d finish my rant, hear nothing, sit in the silence, and feel a little less heavy but mostly defeated. Disappointment started setting in because “Oh my God no matter what I do, I can’t get His attention” and anger would set in because it seemed as if He knew I wasn’t going anywhere, but chose to remain silent anyway.

Where was the God who loved me furiously and would have bankrupted Heaven all over again just to walk through life with me? Not here. Sitting on…